Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
