I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
