when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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