i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
