I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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