i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
