at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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