hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
