And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
