if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
