Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
