Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
