We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
