so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
