4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
