You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
