My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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