My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
