When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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