So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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