She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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