I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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