Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
