By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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