now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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