Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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