I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
