I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
