i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
