I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
