So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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