dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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