I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
