I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
