Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize