Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Houston, we have a blender
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
