Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
