so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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