The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
