That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize