I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize