Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
