pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish there were birth control emojis
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
