What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize