im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
