i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
