You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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