At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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