Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
