You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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