I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
