normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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