when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
