You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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