I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
