Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
