Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
