It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
