I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
