dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
