He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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