i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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