It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
