Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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