Kiss
Puke
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
