Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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