Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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