I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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