I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
