I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love having hate sex.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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